When I was a kid, making friends felt a lot easier because it all boiled down to those who lived closest to me. This made hanging out after school a lot easier. If they also had a (maybe unhealthy) obsession with Tamagotchis and Neopets, then that was a bonus.
As an adult, it can feel overwhelming at times, especially when it seems like you’re the only one who is struggling.
The routine is the same. Work. Gym. Home.
I find that adult life isn’t always conducive to meeting new people. But something I’ve learned in the ten-plus years I’ve been an adult is that everyone is constantly learning and growing too.
In university, I joined clubs and volunteered with causes I cared about, and that helped me find new people who shared the same interests as me.
Making friends as an adult in a post lockdown world is hard. I find myself relearning how to join in group conversations or how to relate to someone new every day. I have learned to go out of my way to make new connections with people. Remembering details about another’s life, showing that you are actively listening and making sure you are engaged in the conversation, all goes into relearning how to have a conversation with new people.
Now, I stay connected with events through organizations in the community like Spectrum, Willow River Centre and Kwartzlab, to name a few.
Black, Racialized, Indigenous and Queer House (BRIQ House), a program co-run by Spectrum and Willow River Centre has helped me stay connected with folks in my community.
When you have many mental health issues like I do, it can be easy to stay indoors and stay with people you are familiar with. It has taken me years to cultivate the drive to connect with community members. Last year I started learning more about interpersonal effectiveness skills that specifically benefit mentally ill people.
For example, the GIVE skill helps maintain healthy relationships through effective communication. GIVE stands for be Gentle, act Interested, Validate and use an Easy manner.
These are all skills I’ve used in my personal relationships, both new and old, to strengthen my connection with people.
Like many, I have found solace going to libraries around town such as the Kitchener Public Library (KPL) and Waterloo Public Library (WPL) main branches. Because I’ve been working on my interpersonal skills, I feel a lot more confident speaking with new people. It helps when we already have something in common, like both being at a library event.
While sitting down in my favourite spots around the KPL atrium, I have struck up conversations with friendly fellow library goers. One time I was sitting with my friend and catching up when a kind stranger approached us and started talking about zines with us. We ended up spending the hour talking about our histories, what we were doing in KW and about how zines are an important art medium.
Making connections and forming community are two aspects of life I have found to be imperative for a balanced lifestyle. Although it can be challenging, especially if you are not neurotypical and have mental health issues like I do, it is more than worth it. Be patient and kind to yourself. Learning new skills like interpersonal effectiveness takes time and practice.
Put yourself in positions to make new friends and connections by going to events around the city that bring you joy.
Chances are, there will be people you share a lot of things in common with.
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