I kept my head down as I ventured out to the old oak tree, shuffl ing my feet through the soaked, jade grass. My heart began to speed up as I approached. The sound of its beating blended into the thunder that echoed through the silver sky. I jumped at the roar of sound, but settled quickly back into my skin. Anxiety infi ltrated and swiftly attacked my immune system years ago, so I resorted to a couple common tactics to calm myself down. I absently rubbed the scar on my hand—the raised ridge on my palm provided some sort of twisted comfort.
I hesitated to sit, but took a smooth, deep inhale and slid my spine down the trunk of the tree. The foliage provided little coverage from the wind and the icy raindrops parted the leaves to greet me at the base of the tree. I closed my eyes and rested my head against the bark. It felt like home, but something was missing; or rather someone. I let the water droplets soak my face, it helped to mask the tears that silently fell from my blue eyes. I always hate to admit it: I miss him. I miss him so much, it threatens to eat me alive. Our love was magnifi cent, bigger than the whole sky. My finger found the scar on my palm once again, traced it from left to right. It was here, under this old oak tree, that we made our pact: friends forever, lovers for always. My forever seemed to last much longer than his.
He disappeared into the night last year and I never heard from him again. The pain of grieving someone who is still alive and roaming the earth is one of the worst aches a person could feel. It made me believe that I was born to suffer. I remembered how it felt to glide the knife along my hand. It ached, but it was comforting to know I had the love of my life by my side. Our hands stung when we clasped them together. We both winced as we interlocked our fi ngers. “I’ll never let go,” he said, but that was a snake tongued lie. The heat from my tears replaced the chill from the raindrops and I sobbed silently under the old oak tree. I screamed into the stormy night, my bellowing lost in the crash of thunder across the world. My heart ached and my head pounded. I nearly jumped out of my skin when his hand grabbed my shoulder and pulled me in for
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