As I began to write the first line of this note I got distracted by a search for information about a show I literally just finished watching on Netflix. I watched the entire series on my iPad because the Roku app on my smart tv doesn’t let me use my mom’s Netflix account anymore. Roku will not let me use my brother’s Disney+ account unless I use my iPad and mirror it to the tv. Writing this, I am fearful that Disney+ will find and patch that loophole somehow. I share my Crave account with my family by the way.
What I was trying to say is that for our cover this month, I was adamant about highlighting the response to Waterloo Region’s new cart-based waste collection system, as seen on page 5.
I have been seeing people talk about it on Instagram, Reddit and Facebook. It seemed to me like it was puzzling everyone. So, when I arrived at work around noon this past Monday—fresh from a two hour, post-redeye power-nap—and I learned that we didn’t have any photos for it yet, I decided it was something I would worry about the next day.
I want to add that I got distracted while I was writing the first line because I had a plan to play YouTube videos on my iPad while I was writing—on my MacBook, ha. I listen to video essays and documentaries when I am trying to be productive. I mean, I listen to YouTubers who make impressively un-mediocre content talk about literature and social problems. I didn’t even consciously make this plan to open YouTube and watch un-mediocre content. This pathway is like a canyon in/on my brain.
So anyways, the next day at work, when I realized it might not work out the way I had hoped, I called my friend Nenad and asked if he would help me with this vision I had, which was for a photo of a garbage truck in action, lifting one of the carts. And then Nenad, Ayden and I chased garbage trucks around Woolwich for two hours. It was fun and honestly kind of exhilarating, but it put me behind on my work to the point where I am still here on my laptop at 11:53 p.m. If we want to keep our pre-press guy happy, the paper will be sent to him in 17 hours.
I am envious of those who don’t see why this bears repeating, but I sat down to write the first line of this note over an hour ago. Back then, and at first, I wanted to play videos on the iPad, because I listen to video essays and documentaries when I am trying to be productive. The thumbnails on the videos are so intriguing, in particular the ones in the vertical formatting. Here were my favourites this time:
– Frank Zappa Hated The Velvet Underground
– “Boy Kibble” is trending on social media
– Hash brown chicken sandwich
– John Mayer calls out Charlie Puth
Up until around 10:30 p.m., when I first looked at these YouTube thumbnails and decided it was time to be productive, I was looking over some of our content and working on layouts. I am working late because the paper is due tomorrow evening at 5 p.m. and today I spent the better part of my afternoon chasing garbage trucks around Woolwich with Nenad and Ayden, because I wanted a garbage truck to be on the cover of the newspaper, showing off it’s new arm. Cart-based confusion! The last thing I did before I decided to shift my attention to this note, which I agreed to write for the paper this month, was lay out Amy Neufeld’s article on page 18, “A Walk in the Park with David Alton.”
And as I sat with the article, moving it around on the page, I felt something unusual. Kind of off. Amy has a special way of identifying and highlighting the most important people in our community. Because I am drowning. And I also realized that David Alton would look beautiful on our cover.
I am sorry Nenad and Ayden, and everyone else who I burdened with my vision. But, even after all of that, the right choice has been there all along. I just ignored it because I wanted to see a garbage truck on the cover of the paper, lifting up one of those new carts. “Cart-based confusion! People are talking about it! Old man yells at cloud!”
But then, reading David’s words—“[J]oy is the experience of being valued” and, oh my god, “I’m constantly trying and searching and yearning for ways to do justice to the meaning around me, and I think that will be a lifelong journey”—I am now feeling inspired to live inside my own skin a tiny bit. I am listening to the water as it trickles into the fish tank in my apartment. Only a snail named Charlemagne lives there and he’s been hiding. And I’m not sure where he came from, but maybe that’s something I will find the meaning in and talk about in a different note. And I won’t be introducing anymore distractions. The iPad auto-locked long ago.
When I started writing this note, after reading Amy’s interview with David, I had it in my mind that my dwindling attention span and my last ditch efforts to immortalize garbage arms were two seperate things that should not exist on the same page and maybe that’s true.
But I sat here for two and a half hours writing this because I wanted to understand something about myself enough to share it with you and I think doing it without some bullshit YouTube slop playing in the background helped me make some sense of what I’m feeling.
The world is fucked and I don’t know if it’s always been like that but when I was 17 I would catastrophize and my dad would calm me down and now, for the first time, we’ve switched roles.
Cart-based confusion! is low hanging fruit, though I still think it’s important to document it. I just think at a time when the world feels so bleak, it’s nice to get some inspiration.
David, you inspired me to turn off my brainrot and focus—for at least tonight—and to express myself in real fashion.
I hope you don’t mind that we put you on the cover of our newspaper.
And I’m sorry Nenad!
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